Monday, February 9, 2009

Im so Dope like the Lou Vuittons with the Red Bottoms

“I don’t surf the net/No I never been on MySpace/to busy letting my voice vibrate” – Jay-z

This is probably one of the only trends that black people didn’t follow Jay-z on. No complaints on my end for not following Jay-z there have been more benefits in the past few years with the introduction of Facebook/MySpace but instead of networking and finding old friends these sites have become Internet Gateways for some to enter another “dimension”. A MySpace/facebook page can tell you a lot about an individual but compared to real communication you can be whoever you want on the Internet. A large number of people I talk to on the regular including myself are over MySpace because of the rise and fall of internet “dons and fashionistas”
When MySpace was hot back in like ‘06/’07 I regained contact and networked with a lot of old and new people. From my work with my promotion team DappaDonz and my ALIEN family a lot of people would hit me up for all types of stuff like party info to t-shirt collaborations. I would explore the pages of the random adds I would get from time to time and look at the pictures. What I started to noticed is people I use to see around the way or at random events were basically totally different people in person actually more like an “internet personality”. You know how their walls look…

“I am feeling your style”
“I so want to go shopping with you”

The only problem that these individuals are actually bums. Some common traits on your internet personality:
  1. A female personality tends to have ONE luxury bag in the majority of the pics, she purchases like 3 outfits from a vintage store and poses with her luxury bag.
  2. A lot of them have “fabulous” or “fashionista” in their name
  3. Besides the pics with their 3 favorite outfits they have mad head shots with the same hair do in different style
  4. In addition these pics are usually taken in a bathroom with a Sidekick
  5. Mismatching a popular trend which came along with streetwear is always done wrong by the MySpace male personality; just because you walk into your closet like you are Stevie Wonder doesn’t make it hot.
  6. As a sneaker head I know real “heat” which turns heads when you walk down the street. But my dude buying the latest Uptowns from Footlocker don’t make you a sneaker head.
  7. The wannabe sneaker heads tend to take a pic holding up this “hot” pair from Footlocker
  8. One of the most common traits of the male internet personality is taking a pic holding a stack of money which I feel is idiotic. Doesn’t it just let the stick up kids know who to get at after the club? Put your little change in the bank and get some interest stupid, posing with the settlement check you cashed isn’t hot.
  9. Just because you do pose with money stacks in your bedroom then take another pic with a burner in your hand don’t make you tough. How many people have been arrested for posting videos of crimes they committed on MySpace and YouTube? We know you are not banging homey if you have to pose with weapons on MySpace, the piece is either borrowed or sits under you bed

My friends why do we support these ignorant fools? They thrive off the attention. These people tend to have a ridiculous amount of friends because they add just about anybody. We are all guilty for the random adds so let’s start the spring right with a little cleaning internet style. Too all my people who are really doing their thing and stay fresh keep it up the hype is dying slowly so once the grass is cut the snakes will be exposed.
“I am so dope like the Louboutin’s with the red bottom” - Jay-Z

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Dust Yourself Off and Try Again...

Greetings friends! Most of you who are reading talk to me on a regular basis and know how I feel about my job. For those who don’t know to get an understanding just listen to the intro of Method Man off Enter the Wu Tang:Enter the 36 Chambers.
Yeah that’s how I feel…Kind of intense right? I know but that’s life after college for me and many of you guys and gals. Thankfully I have 2 white boys at work who help keep my sanity during my daily 9am to 6pm shift who go by the name Mike and Bobby. One of the main topics that we usually cross a few times a week of course is WOMEN. So they talk to me about their girlfriends usually about the shit they love along with the shit that pisses them off. A common trend which I recently noticed with these conversations between my co-workers and I goes as follows:

Mike/Bobby : "Yeah man I don't think I have it anymore I don’t even talk to girls when I go to the bar anymore"

I did not really appreciate the bar until after college (Happy Hours are the greatest inventions after sliced bread). But I ask them like why are you talking to chicks in the bar? As a young black male I have never had any goal with going to the bar other than getting DRUNK. I mean basically for someone like myself who has been going to the club for YEARS a bar has the effect as Mars 2112 minus the dancing, sweaty chicks and stabbings and I liked it, but I never went there thinking to hook up with chicks. From these conversations with my co-workers and observations during college I have the answer to one of the nine wonders of the world:

Why black guys love white girls

Now back in my SJU days a Friday night was pretty routine we drank, went to Georgetown for Spynfo parties, and drank some more, then snuck into someone’s daughter dorm room. On our way to Georgetown you would usually see a group of white females dressed sexy from head to toe similar to you sisters going to Georgetown and when you asked them where they was going: The Bar.

Let’s break down the two situations here The Club and The Bar and the perception it gives to the male species.

The Club

  1. Loud - Women generally are annoyed when men are talking their ear trying to ask them what’s their favorite color and movie as they lip sing with Beyonce and Lil' Wayne
  2. Club: Project Runway - A lot of girls come in their Sundays best (or their closest perception) and like to stand around all night like their p@#$y don't stink
  3. Leave the Vegetables at home - Fellas a lot of females wear heels half or a whole size to small to look good so they did not come out to dance. (Refer to number 2)
  4. Pre-gaming is Key - NYC clubs are not recession friendly so unless you pre-game hard at home that usual 5 LI Ice Teas she’s indulges in is cut down to 2 a night meaning no stumbling females into your car at 4am.

The Bar

  1. Sportscenter - Most bars other than grimy Lower East Side ones have flat screens equipped and eight times out of ten they are playing a sports event. Other than that the news which covers sports for a portion of the programming. Now what man doesn't like sports?
  2. And your middle name was again? - A few, not all bars don't invest in the best sound system on the market so this gives a guy all opportunity to hold a conversation with a lady over a pitcher of Miller Lite.
  3. Just Like Church - I personally like to get fly on the regular but a bunch of dudes live their life like Bishop (Not Giving a F@#K) so most bars have no kind of dress code and they welcome all people to join in fellowship over spirits and classic rock and roll
  4. 1+1=2 - There is no confusion about the ladies at the bar and their intentions. What man is going to complain about women drinking?? Refer to Dave Chapelle and Great Moments of Hookup History
  5. Leave the wallet at home - With a cover charge not existing, about 95% of the time entry is FREE and with websites such as why spend $50 at the door plus $200 for a $40 dollar bottle of liquor when you can eliminate all those costs except for a cab ride and a pack of condoms?

I personally don't attend bars with the intention of hooking up with white girls, but if I was out on the prowl wouldn't it be smarter to hunt where there is easier more prey? I didn't write this to bash brothers who mess with only white girls either, I only have one cock I care less what they do, but this is really for all my ladies out there still complaining about not having no man. Just look at it like this, most athletes have white wives, why you ask? Because she watches Sportscenter every Friday at her local bar while you are dancing on beds at Duvet. Now who is going to have more to talk about when you are in the hotel room of Kobe Bryant? So this weekend switch it up with your girlfriends hit a local bar with that freakem dress, how can it hurt? You are guaranteed to get drunk at least.

Straight from the mouth of the late and great Aaliyah "Cause at first you dont succeed. You can dust yourself off and try again"