Thursday, May 21, 2009

Single Ladies are killing Chivalry

Its been a while but I am back to talk to the ladies and explain why you are spending Memorial Weekend alone at home or maybe out of town trying to "exhale" at Testosterone conventions like South Beach and Cancun (well maybe not Cancun this year).

Life is good for the most part! We have now graduated college, put a deposit down on your first apt/condo and have started at the company of your dreams (maybe about 25% of us live this dream LoL). But seriously we can't complain we are educated, making moves, keeping a Kool-Aid smile on Momma's face. Your shoe game is mean, you keep your hair tight with the most expensive weave but you can't appear to keep a man. What is the problem??

Great comedians like Chris Rock have made jokes about a female knowing after 30 seconds if you will engage in a physical relationship with a man or not, many women have told me this is slightly accurate. 30 seconds is an exaggeration but it does not take long. Why is it then women are complaining about dudes you are dating? You ladies have compromised your time, conversation along cute outfits and makeup just to get a free meal. Regardless of the recession and all your independent anthems you ladies are still the primary stockholders of Chivalry. No I am not saying a guy should not front the bill but be mindful this outing is an investment to a man, returns of some sort are expected. Ladies are going on dates with a guy they have no intention of texting, yet alone even e-mail just to say you went on a date and to have a free meal. You are setting yourself up for a lifestyle you will soon be trapped in ladies. You will continue to go on pointless, boring dates with Ben and Jerry’s and Lifetime as a substitute when a man is not available. At this age approaching our late twenties (earlier thirties grrrrr) we are doing one of two things:

  1. Looking for someone to just f@#k and chill with
  2. Looking for someone to build with, longevity and shit

Ladies before you even go on a date state your intentions from a man at this current stage of your life. Seriously ladies most dudes are not taking you to Olive Garden, Cheesecake Factory etc because he is hungry and wants to inquire your mind. The hood is full of Crown Fried, McDonalds and Hero shops which can easily fulfill a man's hunger. The only reason he is sitting there across the table acting interested in you because he is in pursuit of doing the "No-Pants Dance" with you. You know that, we know so stop wasting a guy’s time when you have no interest in them. Don't you think the tension between men and women would cease if you ladies were a little more honest? Just tell the dude he has no chance in hell of getting any nookie and you both part ways...How do you think he feels after you tell him that after a few dates? No man likes a lot of debits out of his account with a stack of porn to finish his night off with. My great-grandmother has also told me "Honesty is the best Policy". Let practice that ladies and trust you will find an ideal man much easier!

Monday, May 4, 2009

My Big Brother wasn't Bigs Brother

"America is a land of opportunity and don't ever forget it.”

Will Rogers

Compared to most other areas of the world America is looked upon as the land of a million opportunities, streets are paved of gold. Our families were either brought here by force (slavery) or migrated here to escape the trials, tribulations and corruption of our governments elsewhere. But is it really worth it?

Compared to most other countries America is not really any better. Our shit is never really on point, I mean we voted Bush in office for eight years (well he cheated once), we would have better with the country being run by a retarded chimp. The country is always in a deficit (read up on the Federal Reserve), unemployment is never close to zero but we are still a world superpower. We actually are not that super we just not as broke as these other nations. Our American government is not big superpower that our history books teach us but I think its more like a Big Brother. We can sleep at night because if Saddam wanted to shoot a bomb on our block we know America would shoot two back. We know if North Korea tries to make a concentration camp on Jamaica Ave America would quickly come by and kill all their asses. America is just a structure to provide comfort and convenience similar to a Big Brother. We know our Big Brother will protect us and watch over us because of its power but just like your real older brother you need to fear him in order to believe in him and America has been instilling fear in us FOREVER. This is what makes the country go around, which makes us still pay taxes (which is illegal and isn't even written in law) because we can walk around knowing Big Brother will always have your back.

Recently the news have been covering the recent epidemic of swine flu and people are now wearing SARS masks on the streets of NYC, people who were flying to Cancun for Memorial Day weekend are now eating up big airline cancellation fees. Every cough on your morning commute has you thinking twice if it was allergies or Swine symptoms. But let’s see in the next few weeks where the media will place its attention on next. Remember back in November of 2002 when Big Brother starting scaring us about Sars. No vaccine has yet been developed but after Big Brother stopped covering it and we went back to our daily lives. In 2006 and 2007 we had two small outbreaks of Bird Flu which again had you walking with hand sanitizer but after Big Brother stopped putting it on the news we went back our own nasty ways. Let's see how long this Swine Flu Fad will last until Big Brother puts together another story to scare us. All last year Big Brother was telling us how we are in a recession but I have not been able to get a decent parking spot or not wait on line at Wal-Mart or Target. Don't let Big Brother keep playing you for a fool people. Everything on the news is fabricated to scare you. We are fighting a war of terror in Iraq for weapons which were never discovered, funding corporate America because of faulty executives who use private jets to government hearings while you sit at your desk reading this awaiting your pink slip because the company can’t afford to pay benefits to your department anymore.

Thanks Big Brother.