Saturday, December 26, 2009

The Art of War: Cheat Smarter not Harder

Men are dogs, that’s a given. It’s because we have no shame and we just shit anywhere, unlike our female counterparts who move like cats and cover their shit in the litter box. Therefore, fellas, the old saying never changes "If you can't beat ‘em, join ‘em." Get a pen and pad ready, gentlemen, we are going to analyze how we failed at cheating for so long where as females have excelled.

We cannot sit here listing and analyzing why men cheat because the reasons are endless but for a women it is very simple and straight forward. She is either unhappy with her current spouse physically or mentally or she just has a "male" sex drive and her boyfriend isn't enough to fulfill her sexual appetite. Regardless of the reason it appears to be a part of the female DNA to have mastered the "art" of juggling multiple partners with a higher percentage of not getting caught.

Take for example, guys night out, no girlfriends allowed. Tonight’s destination is the nightclub where you can eye fuck free before midnight ladies unreservedly. Club is packed, music is right and at the bar a 5'9 long haired, size D, barely fitting in that dress (which is probably one size too small) with the roundest backside female approaches you. Of course, you buy her a drink and engage in some small talk. Before you depart you make your move and ask for her number which she bestows into your cell phone without any hesitation. A few phone conversations pass and both of your schedules finally match with free time one Friday evening. Out to dinner, good conversation and drinks flowing when she hits you with the million dollar question. "Are you currently involved with anyone?" This is usually the beginning of the end for most men because we always answer "No" even though it’s actually "Yes". I mean, how can you risk her getting completely turned off from you right now? Shit if you play your cards right you may even hit it tonight. Doesn't matter gentleman, as the saying goes "The truth shall set you free," and the same rules apply in the art of cheating (to a certain extent.) One major issue men have to deal with living a double love life is keeping up with the lie with both ladies. Women avoid this issue by telling their "jumpoff" about their main squeeze. I mean, its easier for women to explain because what man is going to get emo about a physical relationship with some random dude’s girlfriend? But for men, society has frowned upon women who take the girlfriend #2 role. So when you are hit with the question of your involvement, the infamous line from "The Best Man" pops into a mans head, "Ain't no pussy better than new pussy." On one hand, you can risk wasting those phone conversations, dirty text messages, and dates, and go home to the same vag. On the other hand, if you lie about your relationship you can increase your chances to motorboating those D Size breasts from the club. Gentlemen have we not learned that a "loyal" girlfriend #2 is hard to come by (ask Tiger), and in order to even build that situation, you need some honesty. This requires a lot of self-control and wasted dates because it is rare that a female will have no issue playing number 2-- but is it not worth it? In comparison to juggling lies between two females, and now spending double... not many females like to spend Valentine's Day alone. So in 2010 fellas let’s cheat smarter not harder. Do not sweep a girl off her feet based off a lie, you can save yourself a lot of headaches and money. So while in pursuit know when to lie and when to tell the truth. Never lie about the girlfriend! I’m tired of women saying men are dogs because we shit in public, simply because they cover their shit: the odor stills exist and it is not sweet! Ladies, the secrets are out and we know how you move. Look out for more lady cheating tips in the near future.

Monday, November 23, 2009

In the Dictionary Originality comes before Success

As citizens of The United States of America, we reside in the land of opportunity and golden roads. Living in this country as a young African American man, I have come to the realization that many of my peers rarely talk and reflect upon all of the advantages we have in 2009. If I took a time machine and went back 100 years, I would think I was living in the times of slavery. I say all this to pose these questions: Are you working at your full potential? Are you working in a field that makes you happy? Is there an opportunity for advancement for you? I ask this in 2009 because when I look at my peer groups, I see a bunch of Indians posing as Chiefs. I do not think that we are not working at our full potential. What are you doing to leave your name in a different category from everyone else?

We browse our favorite blog sites and social networks to stay updated of the world around us on a daily basis. Lets be serious, in 2009 anyone and everyone has a blog. Some of them range from serious content (i.e. coming soon), to more casual content, but it leads me to pose the question yet again, what are you doing different from your peers?

Every random encounter with an old school mate, and every random profile I browse upon on Twitter or Facebook is a rapper/fashion blogger/model/singer/promoter/party photographer/you catch my drift. I do try to support my peers and their endeavors, as some of them actually have talent, and others need to stick to their day jobs. For my friends who do pursue the more "typical" of the dreams, I always ask them what is their Plan B. There have been various times I have been told "There is no Plan B," or "I'm going to get signed and drop a platinum album," or "I'm going to win America's Top Model and become a Ford Model." Not having a Plan B is not only sad, but also a major risk. I love writing and hope to get published one day, but dreams are not going to keep the lights on. Shit, if I don't have the funds to pay Con Ed, I wouldn't be able to power up my PC to write and entertain my readers. I am not trying to deter you from your dreams, but I believe that it is essential to have a back-up plan. Right now, my main hustle is working with a state-funded afterschool program, and I try to pass on my wisdom to the youths. I have seen a whole classroom of young boys telling me they are going to be like Lebron, yet they have already been left back in elementary or junior high school. Maybe my words will encourage at least one of them to pick up their notebook and study, instead of solely depending on a basketball scholarship. I would love to prove the benefits of Plan B for them before it is too late. Maybe then, all of these overnight "CEO's" of promotion teams, record labels, party websites, etc. could have actually been avoided. Who is to blame you ask? Take a look in the mirror! With so many phrases like "I'm gonna keep it 100" floating around, you would think that more people would be doing just that. Instead, many have fallen victim to doing the complete opposite. I have seen horrible local rappers with a movement- a rapper and about 3 "YES men." A "YES man" does not equate to an A&R because if they was so good at scoping talent, they would not be in the hood, but working for a Def Jam, Roc Nation etc. We should all take upon the task of living by the phrase "Be Yourself." Ask your friend’s questions like "Have you done research for the field you are trying to get into," or "What original ideas or concepts will differentiate you from the masses?" Simple questions like those may deter their specific dreams for the better, or make your friend actually step their game up! In recent years, I have witnessed the erection of party websites where the "CEO" of the site has little to no interest in photography, and might not even know what Photoshop is. Money is their only motivation, but I would like to give the fair warning, do not become a slave to money. Does it make sense to enter a field when every other week you have a new competitor? Be yourself friends, if you like a field, do the research and educate yourself. The only fast money that happens overnight is the Lotto. Why are we always on such a paper chase anyway? Because unfortunately, "swag" is defined by which luxury brands are being worn and which European car is being driven, which is a damn shame. True swagger lies within originality and education. Anyone can buy a Gucci belt and take a few pictures with an overpriced bottle of liquor on a Wednesday night, but will you be doing that in 10 years? Do thoughts like that ever cross your mind? Indeed, life is short and enjoy your youth, but live an original life, not the collage of celebrities and your peers.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

The World is at your Fingertips

Hello again! Thanks for reading once again, and allowing me to entertain you as you enter the brain of the “Shotta Blogger.” Some of you reading are new friends, many of you are old friends. This simple connection from my brain to your job computer (your ass should be working but keep reading lol) or Blackberry/iPhone screen has all been made possible by the internet. No, I am not going to give a history lesson on the internet or the world wide web (which are actually two different things that are often used as synonyms. Do that research next time you are taking a 30 minute shit while on the clock.) But for all my true 80's babies (not the ones who dress like one), just think about how much our lives have changed from elementary school to high school as a result of the expansion of the internet. Do you remember when having a computer was a luxury item? Nowadays, not having one in your house almost feels incomplete. Do you remember when you use to sit in AOL chat rooms all night and your mom would plug the PC out of the phone jack? Those were the good ol' 56k days, but now you can get access to the Web from almost all four corners of the Earth. With these bits of information and nostalgic references, I would like to pose a question: How has the internet benefited you? I know it has its cons when your boss sends e-mails to your Blackberry on a Saturday afternoon, but it was cool when you were able to buy your final paper because you skipped class the whole semester right? How many hours have been wasted at work shopping, playing word games, or e-mailing friends? How much time have you spent at home downloading music illegally, watching videos on YouTube, or even watching porn? Have you ever thought about the amount of time we will spend in our lifetimes surfing the web? Even though our jobs may block certain websites, we still have access from our mobile devices that allows us to stay connected. Even your exact location can be displayed on networks such as Twitter: Everything down to the building number that you are in can be identified via advanced GPS systems. Look at how communication and dating has evolved as result of the internet. Dudes may not even ask for your number anymore, "just follow me on twitter” *insert bbm confused face.* Do you remember when the US government tried to have stricter regulations in regards to what content was viewed by its citizens surfing the internet? There are many countries which still do, most of which aren't necessarily BFF with the US. But why do you think the US did not follow through with the censorship? The answer: Our First Amendment rights. But ummm, since when has our country really cared about our rights? C'MON SON this is the same country that let Bush Jr. take office when we all know we didn't vote for his ass. The government takes serious precautions in their attempts to prevent illegal use of internet. The FBI anti-piracy stickers placed on all CD covers stands as a prime example of the precautionary measures taken in the government and music industry's fight against the illegal practices of downloading music. C'MON SON, are they serious? Even though it isn’t regulated, I want you to go Google “How to Make A Shoe Bomb” and see how many Feds knock on your door. Clearly, this proves that you don’t truly have privacy from Big Brother on your PC. Do you know why the internet was never regulated? They want to keep your dumb ass occupied and waste countless hours like we all have been doing for years instead of being productive. In the time that we waste on the Web with the videos and games, we could be enlightening ourselves with something positive. The Internet is a free encyclopedia, and I'm not talking about Wikipedia because as most people know, it is not a credible source. Despite having all of this free information on the internet, I can bet that very few people can show me how to illegally download a book, but everyone can explain how to illegally download their favorite CD. These are just my thoughts and I am not judging anyone because I watch as much dumb shit on the web as you. But sadly, there are some grown ass men that cannot change a flat tire but can tell you 5 websites that show free porn. So folks, the next time that you have a paper due or you have some free time on a Sunday evening, decide on whether or not you will be productive with your Macbook, or waste more brain cells on YouTube.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Ladies say Men are Dogs, Takes One to know One

Even though I recently stepped up my shaving skills and became a baldie, there is one thing I will always miss: barbershop conversations. Lessons are learned, disputes are settled and friends are made during barbershop conversations. Fresh off of my annual trip to Miami Carnival, I was able to connect with friends and have some good ol' traditional barbershop convo over 190 octanes and wings. One of the funniest topics discussed were "great moments of hookup history." We live vicariously during the successful attempts and roast each other for hours on the failed attempts. One of my counterparts told us an amazing hookup story of his during one of our sessions. At "Shine," an annual Breakfast party during carnival weekend, my friend tells us how he had his eye on one girl most of that morning. The way she moved her ass, as well as its circumference made him as determined as Dylan, Dylan, Dylan in the recording studio. Towards the end of the event, he approaches her and numbers are exchanged. Typical Miami shit right? Wrong.
He goes on to text her later to see what she will be getting into for the night and says he would love to see her. Man o man, did my boy strike gold as she was just as determined as him to get up. She was so determined that she told her friends to go to the club without her. Clearly we know what went down. End story, right? Wrong!
After one round of Miami daggering, she makes requests for more but a different venue. While in her hotel room, her cell phone was ringing off the hook. While exiting the hotel, a car pulls up and the chick knows the driver of the vehicle. She left my friend behind for brief chit chat and returns telling him "that was just a friend." He described the "oh shit" look on the driver face he as priceless. They go back to his place and knock out round 2. During round 1 when a request was made for Bernie Mac special attention, she asked him if he was returning the favor. Why would a man kiss you up top or below he does not know you! To his advantage, he strikes gold again as she performs amazing fellatio prior the round 2 daggering. End story again right....Wrong!
We go on to ask about her friends who she was staying with, and if they are from New York also because we need to link with these chicks ASAP. "Sorry fellas, that’s not happening. She kept it 100 with me and goes on to tell me she fucked the "mystery driver" a few days ago and she's married!" So in less than 24 hrs, this married woman sucked and fucked you, and is now home kissing her husband? Who knows how many other guys got to explore her vaginal walls while in Miami. Like I said in the past, ladies stop blaming men. We are not all cheating low-life dogs. Only time you ladies should call a man a dog is it he masturbates instead of sexing u. Cheating requires 2 parties unlike jerking off. Granted, I don't know shorty's situation between her and her husband, but its bad enough to drive her to get her "groove back" while he sits at home. Contrary to what the masses make us believe, men are weaker compared to women but you ladies have been playing the victim role for too long! I can’t even explain it, ladies- your shape, your lips, your hair, your taste, it just makes men weak! Friends stab friends and family members in the back over you! I just need my Queens to stop with the bullshit and keep it funky. I DO NOT want to hear anymore men are dogs, I don’t need no n*gga etc. Men are DOGS, Women are DOGS get a leash or invest in cats because you will die alone and lonely.

Signing off folks...... Southbeach Shotta aka Shotta Blogger

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Do More Than Rock Pink Ribbons

No man likes a spitter ladies. There is no rebuttal to this argument or solution other than joining the club of ladies who swallow. I have made jokes with my single female friends of reasons why they are single. One of the easiest ways to keep a man and keep him happy is being able to throw down in the kitchen and swallowing after performing electrifying head. I am not here to give you my thoughts on why you should swallow we are not in a relationship I can really give two shits but read this article <--click and next time you are performing fellatio to your husband, boyfriend, sugar daddy, jumpoff etc. just think about your health :)

Thursday, September 17, 2009

No Progress? Where Is The Struggle?

Most of our parents told us growing up not to settle for nothing. These words have fallen upon deaf ears in our generation. Even though they teach us about Negros getting lynched, hosed down, forming boycotts, being the catalysts for CHANGE but now it is hard to motivate a nigga to go to the store for a dutch or backwood. Many barriers have been broken but Racism is alive and well my friends. Yes Obama is president but what kind of progression have we made as a people within the last decade? Slim to none why because WE are the problem!

Sean Bell, Don Imus, Fox News are just a few household names which spark the racist light bulb when discussed. But what has been the result in most modern day cases of racism? When was the last time we heard of true justice or major change for one of our counterparts? I’ll wait…Why? Because I am just as guilty in many cases just like you reading, "I don’t give a fuck" to the injustices it didn’t happen to me so it’s not my issue. Some reading are so blind by society that you literally don’t give a fuck you think everything is cool happy because its only a 50/50 chance a NYPD will shoot you by mistake and get a slap on the wrist. Then there are plenty like me who know there is a problem but it feels like we are soldiers equipped with only a machine gun and an empty clip. The main issue is the lack of unIty. "I" capitalized because that is all we are concerned with as a people.

"And Nigga say Nigga to a Nigga, Nigga say Nigga in a lyric, expect a white boy to omit" - Wale "The Kramer"

I believe we have feel so far behind in the struggle we need to take baby steps to get back on point. The influence for this piece came on Sept. 11th 2009 while watching the Fuse network do Superbowl numbers because of the Jay-Z concert. The concert which I worked harder than 3 dayworkers to get tickets for but saw a majority of "non-colored” folks on my television. Is Hov shouting out Bensonhurst and Bay Ridge when he asked "Where Brooklyn At" but this is besides the point I am trying to make. Vibing to the concert with some henny and Papa Johns and Hov begins to perform "Jigga my nigga". As Hov builds the energy of the crowd having them recite the chorus by pointing the mic toward them I see the cluster of Tom's Dick's and Susie's on my TV singing Hov lyrics word for word. Chris Rock during his last skit made a joke about non colored folks and Do's and Don'ts of the word NIGGA but we clearly as a people disregard the history of this word. We have a man like Jay-z who has made history more than once in the music industry with "non-colored" folks paying to see him at MSG streamed lived on national TV saying the word NIGGA in unison. Rosa Parks might as well be doing the stanky leg in her grave. In almost any other situation if a "non colored" person uses the word NIGGA every black person goes from Dr. Bruce Banner to the Incredible Hulk. But when we singing Nigga What, Nigga Who/Live Nigga Rap/Hood Nigga etc. white folks get a bye? I know we hear it all the time from those who do use the word NIGGA that our ancestors fought so we could be called by our name instead of NIGGA or BOY but we still to this day use it like toothpaste. I, myself am guilty for usage of the word NIGGA and I am taking the first step of trying to eliminate it from my vocabulary. But I can not do it alone I need EVERY ONES help. I NEED YOU to stop using it altogether also! The Pause movement has swept over our culture like wildfire with usage at an all time high with twitter pages such as the Pause Police but let’s act our age and not out shoe size people. Its easy to spread negativity as the saying goes one bad apple will spoil it for the bunch so let's all join together and spread some positive energy for a change. Tell your counterparts to stop the usage also, make it into a game charge a quarter for every time it is used. Money is a good bargaining chip to influence change.

Plenty more points on the topic at hand but let’s take baby steps because we have a lot of ground to make up people. We have been lacking a strong black leader for a while now so fuck it lets be the leader ourselves. Your voice may not hit millions of ears but maybe you can make a difference on your block, your building, your classroom etc. If we all make that small change we will become a major force like a snowball rolling down Mt. Everest.

PS - Sorry about that last post the article is false got it via a BBM message didnt do the research just thought it was kind of funny and wanted to share :X

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Fishing for Va Jay Jay (Oprah Voice)

The summer has come to a close end and we are now entering "cuffing" season…for some individuals, that is. Plenty of our peers find it hard to settle with one love interest for an extended period of time and find themselves constantly networking their cock or ebony nest to the members of the opposite sex. The art of f*cking is different for men and women. In this day and age it takes much more than a college degree to get someone’s daughter in your bed, there are plenty of factors which lead to less talking and more sucking for men. When you are in the process of giving a guy your number or being introduced by a mutual friend, the only thoughts at that moment for a man is “What is going to be the easiest and quickest way I will get her naked?”

Guys generally do go to school to better themselves and to acquire big high paying jobs, but the underlying factor is to get more p*ssy during college and even more after college. The thing about school is that it is a big investment, your cock is more attractive when it says Yale compared to York college (no shots for my people at York) so most men have taken other routes as bait for p*ssy.

Bikes - No not Pee Wee Herman but sports bikes, all women are attracted to bikes like Osama to terrorism and men know this. I have seen numerous bike clubs around NYC and not one of them niggas have done anything in the community except white line while I sit in traffic. Those vests are not for fashion they have become pussy magnets.

Cars - It also does not make sense to me why women are attracted to nice whips. Just because a guy has a nice car does not mean you going anywhere except his back seat. Men have been using nice cars for bait for years and you girls still have not learned you are only f*cking the man not his exhaust pipe.

Promoters - The party scene is one of the funniest to me. The things girls will do just to skip the line or be guaranteed free entry. Is your twat only worth $20?? Where is your pride ladies? Why would you give a man your body just for a free ticket? Is a party really going to be worth it if that promoter gets you pregnant or an incurable STD?

Photographers - This is even lower than giving your body to all the promoters. I can't even figure out the mind state of you females who sleep with them for the hell of it. Are you attracted to his finger for snapping photos of you? Monkeys know how to use cameras! I know a few of these website photographers and they are not even into photography. They do it for the extra income and the added benefits ;). Another form of p*ssy bait.

There are two ways to handle your va jay jay ladies. Everyone knows the saying "Good things come to those who wait" but ladies have failed to understand that cock is Mega Millions. Only a few people hit the jackpot! You ladies are spreading yourselves to thin by giving yourself to a man based on material things or his status. I mean we all looked down on Monica Lewinsky but I know plenty women have sucked off a flashy nigga with a GED compared to the President of the United States. If you respect yourself and your body a man will have no choice but to respect you. There are plenty of bad apples making it harder for you respectable hard-working ladies but trust there are plenty of guys not living that fast life. Don't you know a guy would prefer to come home to a warm body in his bed compared to running the streets with a 50/50 chance of obtaining a body for just one night? Plenty of fish in the sea for us fellas but ladies the ball is in your court. Men are always fishing for va jay jay so grab the bait with caution.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Land of the Free, Home of the Dumb!

I am a twenty-five year old African-American male and I am a statistic. Go figure...

I am a twenty-five year old African-American male and I was not raised on tax-payers dollars but I am a statistic.

I am a twenty-five year old African-American male without any kids or criminal record but I am a statistic.

I am a twenty-five year old African-American male with a degree from an institution of higher education but I am a statistic.

What makes me a typical African-American statistic you may ask? I am a twenty-five year old unemployed African-American, a small hundredth of a hundredth of the still rising 9.5% unemployment rate in America. It’s been a few months and I will tell you first hand the industry sucks a whole lot of Bigfoot, Loch nest Monster and Moby Dick. I am not writing to discuss our current economic state you are probably tired of hearing about it just like me but yet I wanted to share an experience from one of my most recent job interviews.

Verizon Wireless subcontracts all its customer service through this company called Flextronics. The employees are usually located in the back of the Verizon Wireless retail stores. So a good friend of mine recently became a manager with Flextronics and said there are some openings I should look into. Applied late night Sunday, early Monday I get a call to interview. So the interview is at the Roosevelt Hotel in Midtown, Manhattan. Nice spot just from the ambiance of the lobby alone, the patrons were all clearly tourists. You know when someone’s walking around looking confused and can't speak a blink of English? Perfect depiction of the lobby. Anyway I'm sitting outside the room waiting for the interview the start, more black folk start coming in the waiting area and then a few things pop up which are signs I should have got up and left. One kid walks in with a white collar shirt, un-tucked, with a pair of jeans and a pair of Prada’s. FAIL. Another kid comes in an Express sweater no dress shirt under the sweater, no tie and just sits there on his Iphone the whole time we are waiting. FAIL. The funniest one to me was the kid who comes in khakis with a white button up and tie, UNTUCKED. MAJOR FAIL. So interview starts and they are actually group interviews. Four to five candidates to table, so of course I scope out the competition. Girl #1 worked at a few clothing stores, Girl #2 only experience is Starbucks and Boy #1 worked 6 months at T-Mobile and Victoria Secrets for a month, FYI I was the only one with a college degree at the table. So there are four rounds of questions from four different mid-level executives. During the 1st round, the interviewer asked for resumes. I was the only one with resume paper and 2 out of the four at the table were multiple paged resumes. Don't get it twisted 2 paged resumes are suitable in some cases but as aforementioned all the other candidates had less education, experience, and achievements compared to me so in this scenario FAIL.

During one round of questions they ask Girl #2 about her job at Starbucks. She goes on to explain why she demoted herself from her position which was higher than a regular crew member. "I am planning on going back to school because I never finished" she tells lady interviewer. So the lady interviewer goes on and says, “Education is important but with the constant adjustment of shifts it wouldn't be a good idea to go back to school if you are employed with Flextronics”. Wait did this lady just say you can either settle for this 15 dollar an hour job or choose to finish college? In many cases the way we are slaves to the almighty dollar an individual would put school on the backburner and pursue a job. Many of our peers who need another year or two to finish college usually state “I’ll go back next semester”, by the time they actually register again they are 30 plus with a couple of kids.

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves-regret for the past and fear of the future” – Fulton Oursler

I was asked what attracted me to the company, being I never had experience hands-on with communications but some which correlated with the position. "Well my friend who is currently an employee was recently promoted, and I know with my experience I will be able to advance with your growing company" which translates to “A nigga needs a job so I will settle for your bullshit shifts and pay until Obama "fixes" our economy”. After a few rounds of questions, we filled out some paperwork and waited for the management to make the final decisions in the hallway. So after ten minutes, one manager comes out and calls 3 candidates....only 3 people didn't fit the job. Guess the industry is booming. Another manager follows and calls a large group of about fifteen people including myself and I'm thinking “Yeah we bout to get offered this wack ass job but I will more than likely say no unless we can negotiate my pay because I am clearly OVERqualified”.

"We are sorry ladies and gentlemen we found some better candidates for the position and we are unable to offer you a position"

Re-muthaf*cking-wind. Better candidates? So Girl#1 and Girl#2 are included in this group with me probably because #1 had no electronics experience and #2 because she actually wanted to better herself with a collegiate education. In regards to myself, I have plenty of electronics experience being at Circuit City along with customer service experience from Circuit City and the banks I worked at, in addition I had a college degree, doesn’t it count for something? I probably had more education than some of the management. Now Boy #1 with only 6 months work experience got the job compared to other individuals from my table with work experience and a college education. This is America people where the rich get richer and the dumb keeps them richer being worker ants in their multi-million dollar corporations. How can I tell my kids to go to college with the life I'm currently living? I know more fellow alumni unemployed and looking for work, while those who placed education on the back burner have more access to $12-$15/hour jobs (still ain't shit to survive in NYC) but sh*t what choices we have in this current recession.

Even though I did not get the job I learned a lot about our economy from this interview. As usual, I scoped out the "competition" and I did not see future CEO's, "Big Willie's" or "Don's" from those pursuing the job with Flextronics. It's sad to say though everyone wants to buy a CLS or 745, and some broke folk buys them anyway, but are unable to afford the premium gas required for these types of vehicles. It all boils down to people settling- the manager knew not to hire someone of my caliber even though I was clearly qualified because I know that the pay would not suffice for the job duties and from jump I had "goals" to make management. These corporate companies survive by the blood sweat and tears of worker ants (the interviewees) who are trying to live CEO's lives on minimum pay. But after a few years of "I'll go back to school next semester" you become STUCK and that's exactly the road set up for Boy#1.

One funny observation I have picked up from the slew of interviews over the past few months is how much money America wastes yearly on education. As a public school kid from Kindergarten up until college, there were many pros and cons within my education. One thing which does not make sense is I am taught how to make babies and put on condoms in school but they never teach you how to prepare for a job interview. Why are grown people walking around with an improperly prepared resume or no resume at all?? Does it make sense that I learn how to use my cock prior to getting a job?
God Bless America!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Letter to my Father

Do not talk to my father much so I decided to write him something for his birthday which recently passed. Tell me what you think.

The Life of a G never knew it
Appears I've been stuck on F


by you
depression instilled deep under my left breast
U wasn't around to hear when I touched my 1st pair of breasts
Even missed my little league graduations and my regents tests
Knowing ur alive makes life a living hell
Scared of mirrors like a vampire because your face is still here
Now I am a man no thanks to you
And when I become successful all the credit goes to you
You showed me exactly what not to do to be a man
You have taught me how to rise against the social statistics of a black man
College degree no kids and like Rakim thinking of the master plan
This is the only way we can communicate because all my calls texts and e-mails some how only work one way
Over the yrs March 4th hasn't meant shit to you just another day but Aug 9th is all about you
So take this poem it's from your son's heart to you dad
Happy 44th Birthday

Friday, July 31, 2009

The Kelly Blue Book of Vag

Recently was talking to some friends about college, the funny times, sad times, and the nasty times ;). Of course one part of the conversation was the introduction of Facebook, originally a "networking" tool for students of the higher education system but now anyone can make a Facebook page and you can even make a Fan page for your pet Goldfish if you desire.

Social Networks are easily the culprit of late nights during week days or attention whores while in class or the train. It funny how these sites have become the “networking” sources for our generation. Seriously you may not even ask a chick for her number just tell her "Tweet me". Ladies you must be aware that these social networks might be the factor which determines if a man wants to take you to dinner or take you for short stay at the Motel 6.

One of the biggest ego crushers for a man is being seen "cuffin" a female who has been around the block a few times. So be aware prior to that first date (real G's do this) or right after that first date a man is checking all your mutual friends or followers (now with Twitter explosion). First he is trying to see your circle of female friends then he will look at the males you are associated. This is the basic way that men Carfax the vag. Depending on the man he may "pay his 19.95 for a full review and accident report" on the vag. This varies by the network of the male. A well known/charismatic individual will know other individuals "in the know". With all this technology a quick text message/e-mail/facebook message can give a man 80% accurate review of mileage (bodies known she took down) and accident report (children or abortions). As aforementioned in my previous post men are emotional bitches. One of the biggest ego crushers is "wifing"/"cuffing" a female who got ran through by Tom, Dick, Harry and Harry's 3rd cousin. In most major cities such as New York vag supply is always high like our current unemployment rate so you ladies have less to work with compared to us males. Most ladies already are very picky and particular so I know it’s even worse when it comes to who you sleep with. That is not a bad thing at all, but you ladies have failed to realize most the dudes you want to or have slept with know the other men you slept with. Prior to the social networks you only had even less choices ladies but now you can find yourself a cutie from the Bronx from your dorm room/office minus the train ride.

"Females will fake an orgasm for an relationship while a male will fake a relationship for an orgasm"

Ladies instead of getting tattoos of fuckery on your lower back ya'll should tattoo that quote. Every time he gives you backshots he will either enjoy it or have a guilty conscious. Ladies always saying they do not understand men but we are very simple creatures. Men are simply freelance actors. Some are better compared than others but a man is just trying to play a role which ends up him getting the "starring role" or the No-Pants Dance. So ladies please make much better decisions of who you sleep with; Technology has made life easier for us men. Usually when you sleep with someone they say you are sleeping with everyone they been involved with prior. Same applies when you accept that friend request.

Monday, July 27, 2009

The M in EMO means Male

I am going to be the first to admit it ladies and gentlemen. Men are emotional bitches. There I said it! Ladies have known it for generations and men have never had the balls (no pun intended) to admit it. The truth has always been evident that men are the weaker species.

Few examples:

  1. Domestic Violence Cases in America (sign of weakness)
  2. How many husbands we see murdered on the news compared to wives especially in regards to a break-up/divorce/crush of some sort?
  3. What is the percentage of women who take a man back caught cheating compared to males?

These are just three quick examples where us men display our weakness and let our emotions take over our minds and bodies in some cases. Society has hidden it from you ladies but men are really M&M characters. Hard on the shell but really soft on the inside. How many powerful, successful men have met their downfall due to a woman?

One of the hardest things for a man is a good break-up. When ya'll run into each other at your favorite restaurant, randomly encounter each other on the train or when you catch him shopping with his new girl in Soho. Emergency brakes, only a few days, weeks and he is out shopping with a next broad. Ladies don’t feel a kind of way when you see your Ex with another female so quickly. If commitment or attention was a culprit of the separation that "new" other female is a sign of his interest in you. Most ladies first reaction would be jealousy but just take that female as a salute. Women are more likely to take a break after a break-up (good or bad) but what man would really want to lose the benefits of a "wifey" (yes I hate that word like most of you but the shoe fits). It’s clear that men are much dumber compared to women that's why we always caught cheating. So instead of sitting back, reflecting, and rebuilding over a time a man will immediately grab the closest chick to him and try to continue where ya'll left off. So all movements after a good break-up are done in your name so be flattered ladies not upset.

Gentlemen we got to keep it real with ourselves also now. Stop walking around acting like a caveman because we all know how you are a little bag of emotions behind doors with your lady. It really saddens me that guys now move different because of stupid songs like "Gimmie $20" from Ron Brownz. Cuffin was at an all time high before that song came out. You sit there and try to be "cool" because of a song when a cuffin ass brother like me comes along you will end up a lonely dude with 20 bucks in your pocket.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

There Once Was A Housewife Who Was A Ho

There are certain rules of "Niggadom" (courtesy of Katt Williams) which are written in stone and there have never been amendments to this book, EVER. We have things like pouring out liquor for lost homies, beef patties with cheese for breakfast in Junior High and High School and trade use of your EBT card in return for cash to buy malt liquor. One rule which I feel needs to be amended is the ban of turning a Ho into a Housewife. Plenty of men do it and they are shunned and laughed at on a daily basis but those are the smartest guys around!

I was taught in Economics in college that wants are unlimited and resources are limited. This is true for WOMEN but not for MEN when it comes to relationships. A man must make money and spend a lot of money to get large quantities of vag. Nice car, house, clothes etc. are not purchased because a man needs is the vag bait.

Take a typical relationship in perspective and I will prove to you why a Ho is better Housewife any day!

Boy sees girl and bags girl
Boy takes girl out and woos her with good conversation
Girl sleeps with boy days...weeks...maybe months for those patient enough
Mission Accomplished Right...WRONG
Boy now hangs with boys, plays Playstation burps at dinner table a lot of shit girl does not like
Girl argues with Boy because going out to eat is now McDonalds
Girl argues because Boy only texts now does not call
Girl argues argues and argues...
List can go on forever but basically Boy is just fucking up now all around because he has no “wants” but Girl wants never end

Now in contrast the Ho-Girl whole scenario is simple and sweet

Boy sees Ho and bags Ho
Ho sleeps with Boy and Boy turns into Waldo

That is where we mess up as men. Women are no different from Ho's. They just want love, affection and attention. Because of the rules of "Niggadom" though men are constantly on the prowl of Hitting and Running on as many Ho’s as possible and from time to time having a Girl which requires more money, time and headache before being dumped. From my own personal experience and from stories of my peers many relationships fail due to the lack of effort, majority of the time the man is wrongdoer. No more dates, no more flowers at work, no more 143 text messages are a few culprits which turn a lady off and makes her upset. So its appears gentlemen have an issue with keeping up with standards, so why not save yourself a lot of headaches and broken hearts of good women and cuff yourself a nice Ho. The standards of keeping a Ho happy are clearly lower that is why she is a Ho. A woman wants Red Lobster a Ho is happy with McDonalds. Because of the masses men feel like they can not get serious with a Ho but the only reason they are Ho's is because men use and abuse them. If you treat her like a lady she will cook, clean, laugh, cry, joke and obviously will fuck you just like a woman minus the headaches, broken car windows, and filed restraining orders. Do yourself a favor gentlemen find you a Ho and cherish her because only a Ho can make a Housewife.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Music, Life and Happiness?

I would confidently bet my two thumbs that your IPod or an IPod of a friend you borrowed always had these three artists Biggie, Jay-z and Michael Jackson. Weird combo but it just seems to work. I know you thinking another "Wacko Jacko" piece paying homage now that he has left the earth but this is not your cliché blog piece friends. You should know me better than that by now!

The life, the man, the legend of Michael Joseph Jackson its in all the headlines, all the gossip blogs but has anyone really covered his life properly. I have yet to see it! I myself have been engulfed with the media coverage of the sudden death of the King of Pop but even after this loss the man cannot receive the proper respect and honor for his work. The man was living piece of history he has broken barriers and records, which I believe are untouchable. In all the mini docs I recently seen the past two days they say Mike sang as a kid sold a lot of records then the rape charges. No need to go into detail but a lot of time and effort is placed on the yet to be proven rape charges. I am not going to sit here and say I am the biggest fan ever but I respect what this man has done to black history, to pop culture and as a humanitarian. But we need to stop putting him on this pedestal and treat Michael as a human; the man was always in pain. Look at the life he lived from 1969 until his death. Even though he is clearly a naturally good damn entertainer and musician, it appears, as Michael did not live for the fame and glory he achieved. His obsession with childhood is evident through some of his music and his residence of Neverland Ranch. I think mentally Michael never passed the age 13 because of his father and the media.

Was Michael weird? It would be hard to deny that but I seriously cannot blame the man. With the scars this man held onto I think it is safe to say that Michael had passed on years before June 25, 2009. Michael cried out for true love through his music and being he never received it we see the kind of toll it took on his mind and body. Since 1969 Michael has been in the worldwide spotlight. We have seen him go from "black to white", multiple plastic surgeries, "off the wall" (no pun intended) marriages and childbirths also with sporadic weight losses but it never compromised his art. Many of my peers along with myself believed the man was really “invincible”. Seriously how many artists could sell out shows at 50 years old? I doubt Beyonce will still be “Crazy in Love” and booty bouncing at MSG 30 years from now. Physically yes he has been with us but its clear like many other legends appreciation for his work and heart was not given until their demise.

Michael has showed me a lot with his life, he has proven to me that money will not buy you happiness but he has also displayed true strength and determination. His father played a large role in his upbringing but he brought more negatives to the table compared to positives. Even though I could probably bench press him Michael without a doubt was stronger man than me, he had one of the biggest hearts in human history. Through all the trials and tribulations Michael still donated time, money and energy to helping those less unfortunate. Even in death the media slander him, why are the pictures of him the ambulance being displayed?? It is still fresh in all our minds of the death of this legend but after the burial and everything we going back to our regular baby momma, I hate my boss, my 8:15 bus is always crowded drama filled life but do not let the legend stop there. Michael will still be with you during the morning commute to work and in your heart because that is the kind of impact this man held on the world. Before Pac, Big, Eminem, Andre 3000 we all had Michael in our lives, I dare anyone to say different. .

Use his life as an example of a good soul because it still lives in each of us. I guarantee the media will continue to focus on his darker days within the next few weeks but just remember the man was not at fault and it is those same people who tainted his name. Usually when someone points the finger at somebody they are the ones who are wrong and regardless of all the ridicule he received Michael never stopped loving his fans or his art.