The Art of War: Cheat Smarter not Harder

Men are dogs, that’s a given. It’s because we have no shame and we just shit anywhere, unlike our female counterparts who move like cats and cover their shit in the litter box. Therefore, fellas, the old saying never changes "If you can't beat ‘em, join ‘em." Get a pen and pad ready, gentlemen, we are going to analyze how we failed at cheating for so long where as females have excelled.

We cannot sit here listing and analyzing why men cheat because the reasons are endless but for a women it is very simple and straight forward. She is either unhappy with her current spouse physically or mentally or she just has a "male" sex drive and her boyfriend isn't enough to fulfill her sexual appetite. Regardless of the reason it appears to be a part of the female DNA to have mastered the "art" of juggling multiple partners with a higher percentage of not getting caught.

Take for example, guys night out, no girlfriends allowed. Tonight’s destination is the nightclub where you can eye fuck free before midnight ladies unreservedly. Club is packed, music is right and at the bar a 5'9 long haired, size D, barely fitting in that dress (which is probably one size too small) with the roundest backside female approaches you. Of course, you buy her a drink and engage in some small talk. Before you depart you make your move and ask for her number which she bestows into your cell phone without any hesitation. A few phone conversations pass and both of your schedules finally match with free time one Friday evening. Out to dinner, good conversation and drinks flowing when she hits you with the million dollar question. "Are you currently involved with anyone?" This is usually the beginning of the end for most men because we always answer "No" even though it’s actually "Yes". I mean, how can you risk her getting completely turned off from you right now? Shit if you play your cards right you may even hit it tonight. Doesn't matter gentleman, as the saying goes "The truth shall set you free," and the same rules apply in the art of cheating (to a certain extent.) One major issue men have to deal with living a double love life is keeping up with the lie with both ladies. Women avoid this issue by telling their "jumpoff" about their main squeeze. I mean, its easier for women to explain because what man is going to get emo about a physical relationship with some random dude’s girlfriend? But for men, society has frowned upon women who take the girlfriend #2 role. So when you are hit with the question of your involvement, the infamous line from "The Best Man" pops into a mans head, "Ain't no pussy better than new pussy." On one hand, you can risk wasting those phone conversations, dirty text messages, and dates, and go home to the same vag. On the other hand, if you lie about your relationship you can increase your chances to motorboating those D Size breasts from the club. Gentlemen have we not learned that a "loyal" girlfriend #2 is hard to come by (ask Tiger), and in order to even build that situation, you need some honesty. This requires a lot of self-control and wasted dates because it is rare that a female will have no issue playing number 2-- but is it not worth it? In comparison to juggling lies between two females, and now spending double... not many females like to spend Valentine's Day alone. So in 2010 fellas let’s cheat smarter not harder. Do not sweep a girl off her feet based off a lie, you can save yourself a lot of headaches and money. So while in pursuit know when to lie and when to tell the truth. Never lie about the girlfriend! I’m tired of women saying men are dogs because we shit in public, simply because they cover their shit: the odor stills exist and it is not sweet! Ladies, the secrets are out and we know how you move. Look out for more lady cheating tips in the near future.