Friday, July 31, 2009

The Kelly Blue Book of Vag

Recently was talking to some friends about college, the funny times, sad times, and the nasty times ;). Of course one part of the conversation was the introduction of Facebook, originally a "networking" tool for students of the higher education system but now anyone can make a Facebook page and you can even make a Fan page for your pet Goldfish if you desire.

Social Networks are easily the culprit of late nights during week days or attention whores while in class or the train. It funny how these sites have become the “networking” sources for our generation. Seriously you may not even ask a chick for her number just tell her "Tweet me". Ladies you must be aware that these social networks might be the factor which determines if a man wants to take you to dinner or take you for short stay at the Motel 6.

One of the biggest ego crushers for a man is being seen "cuffin" a female who has been around the block a few times. So be aware prior to that first date (real G's do this) or right after that first date a man is checking all your mutual friends or followers (now with Twitter explosion). First he is trying to see your circle of female friends then he will look at the males you are associated. This is the basic way that men Carfax the vag. Depending on the man he may "pay his 19.95 for a full review and accident report" on the vag. This varies by the network of the male. A well known/charismatic individual will know other individuals "in the know". With all this technology a quick text message/e-mail/facebook message can give a man 80% accurate review of mileage (bodies known she took down) and accident report (children or abortions). As aforementioned in my previous post men are emotional bitches. One of the biggest ego crushers is "wifing"/"cuffing" a female who got ran through by Tom, Dick, Harry and Harry's 3rd cousin. In most major cities such as New York vag supply is always high like our current unemployment rate so you ladies have less to work with compared to us males. Most ladies already are very picky and particular so I know it’s even worse when it comes to who you sleep with. That is not a bad thing at all, but you ladies have failed to realize most the dudes you want to or have slept with know the other men you slept with. Prior to the social networks you only had even less choices ladies but now you can find yourself a cutie from the Bronx from your dorm room/office minus the train ride.

"Females will fake an orgasm for an relationship while a male will fake a relationship for an orgasm"

Ladies instead of getting tattoos of fuckery on your lower back ya'll should tattoo that quote. Every time he gives you backshots he will either enjoy it or have a guilty conscious. Ladies always saying they do not understand men but we are very simple creatures. Men are simply freelance actors. Some are better compared than others but a man is just trying to play a role which ends up him getting the "starring role" or the No-Pants Dance. So ladies please make much better decisions of who you sleep with; Technology has made life easier for us men. Usually when you sleep with someone they say you are sleeping with everyone they been involved with prior. Same applies when you accept that friend request.

Monday, July 27, 2009

The M in EMO means Male

I am going to be the first to admit it ladies and gentlemen. Men are emotional bitches. There I said it! Ladies have known it for generations and men have never had the balls (no pun intended) to admit it. The truth has always been evident that men are the weaker species.

Few examples:

  1. Domestic Violence Cases in America (sign of weakness)
  2. How many husbands we see murdered on the news compared to wives especially in regards to a break-up/divorce/crush of some sort?
  3. What is the percentage of women who take a man back caught cheating compared to males?

These are just three quick examples where us men display our weakness and let our emotions take over our minds and bodies in some cases. Society has hidden it from you ladies but men are really M&M characters. Hard on the shell but really soft on the inside. How many powerful, successful men have met their downfall due to a woman?

One of the hardest things for a man is a good break-up. When ya'll run into each other at your favorite restaurant, randomly encounter each other on the train or when you catch him shopping with his new girl in Soho. Emergency brakes, only a few days, weeks and he is out shopping with a next broad. Ladies don’t feel a kind of way when you see your Ex with another female so quickly. If commitment or attention was a culprit of the separation that "new" other female is a sign of his interest in you. Most ladies first reaction would be jealousy but just take that female as a salute. Women are more likely to take a break after a break-up (good or bad) but what man would really want to lose the benefits of a "wifey" (yes I hate that word like most of you but the shoe fits). It’s clear that men are much dumber compared to women that's why we always caught cheating. So instead of sitting back, reflecting, and rebuilding over a time a man will immediately grab the closest chick to him and try to continue where ya'll left off. So all movements after a good break-up are done in your name so be flattered ladies not upset.

Gentlemen we got to keep it real with ourselves also now. Stop walking around acting like a caveman because we all know how you are a little bag of emotions behind doors with your lady. It really saddens me that guys now move different because of stupid songs like "Gimmie $20" from Ron Brownz. Cuffin was at an all time high before that song came out. You sit there and try to be "cool" because of a song when a cuffin ass brother like me comes along you will end up a lonely dude with 20 bucks in your pocket.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

There Once Was A Housewife Who Was A Ho

There are certain rules of "Niggadom" (courtesy of Katt Williams) which are written in stone and there have never been amendments to this book, EVER. We have things like pouring out liquor for lost homies, beef patties with cheese for breakfast in Junior High and High School and trade use of your EBT card in return for cash to buy malt liquor. One rule which I feel needs to be amended is the ban of turning a Ho into a Housewife. Plenty of men do it and they are shunned and laughed at on a daily basis but those are the smartest guys around!

I was taught in Economics in college that wants are unlimited and resources are limited. This is true for WOMEN but not for MEN when it comes to relationships. A man must make money and spend a lot of money to get large quantities of vag. Nice car, house, clothes etc. are not purchased because a man needs is the vag bait.

Take a typical relationship in perspective and I will prove to you why a Ho is better Housewife any day!

Boy sees girl and bags girl
Boy takes girl out and woos her with good conversation
Girl sleeps with boy days...weeks...maybe months for those patient enough
Mission Accomplished Right...WRONG
Boy now hangs with boys, plays Playstation burps at dinner table a lot of shit girl does not like
Girl argues with Boy because going out to eat is now McDonalds
Girl argues because Boy only texts now does not call
Girl argues argues and argues...
List can go on forever but basically Boy is just fucking up now all around because he has no “wants” but Girl wants never end

Now in contrast the Ho-Girl whole scenario is simple and sweet

Boy sees Ho and bags Ho
Ho sleeps with Boy and Boy turns into Waldo

That is where we mess up as men. Women are no different from Ho's. They just want love, affection and attention. Because of the rules of "Niggadom" though men are constantly on the prowl of Hitting and Running on as many Ho’s as possible and from time to time having a Girl which requires more money, time and headache before being dumped. From my own personal experience and from stories of my peers many relationships fail due to the lack of effort, majority of the time the man is wrongdoer. No more dates, no more flowers at work, no more 143 text messages are a few culprits which turn a lady off and makes her upset. So its appears gentlemen have an issue with keeping up with standards, so why not save yourself a lot of headaches and broken hearts of good women and cuff yourself a nice Ho. The standards of keeping a Ho happy are clearly lower that is why she is a Ho. A woman wants Red Lobster a Ho is happy with McDonalds. Because of the masses men feel like they can not get serious with a Ho but the only reason they are Ho's is because men use and abuse them. If you treat her like a lady she will cook, clean, laugh, cry, joke and obviously will fuck you just like a woman minus the headaches, broken car windows, and filed restraining orders. Do yourself a favor gentlemen find you a Ho and cherish her because only a Ho can make a Housewife.