Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Should You Settle Your Happiness For A Relationship?

2012 is here and you’re still single. 2011 had its memorable ups and eventful downs during your pursuit for love.  So you spent New Years Eve with the fellas or with your girls, which isn't bad but you started the new year again, alone.  Night was full of laughter and jokes until that moment of clarity hit you harder than the Casey Anthony verdict. You're sipping a hard drink thinking why hasn't that right person entered my life yet? “I look good, I'm smart, working a decent career but the people I date just aren't compatible. Is there something wrong with me?” Well actually there is! Before you start off 2012 alone again you should reflect on your past and present love life to hopefully build a healthy future.  A common and major downfall of hopeless romantics is putting your heart on the back burner just to have someone.  What is the sense of settling?  Dating person after person with the potential of longevity is slimmer than Herman Cain's chance of winning the presidency. What is the benefit of spending your twenties and thirties going from one failed situation to another?  I purposely said situation because a relationship has meaning, even if that person hurts you, you are still able to walk away with something; i.e. a lesson learned of what not to do.   A relationship should provide you with a different outlook on yourself or a new approach for areas, which needed improvement.

Begin to reflect on the past year of your love life and pick up on certain patterns, which more than likely exist.  The true definition of human insanity is approaching something with the same method over and over and expecting different results.  So 2012 is your year, not to sound cliché but you can find that Mr./Mrs. Right as long as you stop selling yourself short.  Start with some patience and the old adage of using of your intuition. Walk away after date two if you aren't really feeling someone.  What is the sense of continuing with someone who is cute yet may not meet your standards?  Why continue when they told you on date one that they are just looking to have fun?  If your mind is set on settling down take your time for that person to cross your path.  Stop wasting time thinking your love life will end like a bad romantic comedy.  It is highly unlikely your so-so lover will adapt into your soul mate.  Additionally you should examine your current playing field.  Where have you been meeting people?  Maybe you should try something new, get more active, go to places you wouldn’t normally go.  You never know what type of interesting people you will meet9 while attending venues or participating in activities out of your norm.  You know the old saying, “When you least expect it?” Do not walk around saying today I am going to find the man/woman of my dreams.  Your mind will be so caught up on meeting a lover you’ll forget to have fun, which is the main purpose and you will over think and over analyze your interactions with potential mates.

Now there is another obstacle you will encounter, standards.  You may be thinking like I really don’t want to date someone with children or I won’t date someone who doesn’t have a college degree. Standards are good but they can also break you, potentially having you settle for someone with what seems like a good dating resume.  There are single, crazy people out there with PHD's and there are wholesome, hardworking single mothers and fathers out there. So do not let your standards build a smoke screen over your eyes leading you to settle "up".  

See what happens if you settle

Love and dating is complicated but you have control to some extent.  Dating will be easier once you learn that love is not a ticking time bomb being defused by SWAT.  Time is of the essence so no more pointless dates and situations.  Settling for love is like a 3rd grader cheating on his spelling quiz.  Cutting corners will gain you nothing; a loser will not sweep you off your feet because you pursue a relationship with them.  But on the other side of the spectrum do not fall for wolves in sheep clothing.  Someone who has a lot going for them but their personality, lifestyle is not to your liking.  You have some happy moments with them but can you see yourself until death do you part? Like Common said “we fell in love just to fall apart now.”  Practice discretion while dating, if you discuss qualities you are seeking from your lover a wolf can play the role until they are bored with you.  The motto for 2012 is to date smarter, not harder. Let your brain lead you into their arms not your heart.

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