Tuesday, February 14, 2012

When Is The Last Time You Evaluated Your P*ssy??

Ladies have failed to realize they have the pussy, the starting line for life and the earth’s truest natural resource. Have you ever heard of male stripping and prostitution is on the rise? Exactly. Pussy is the end all be all for men, plenty of men in jail today over a piece of tail they had or was pursuing.  Everything men do legal and illegally are for you ladies. Valentine's Day is here and you might be spending it at home, man bashing on Facebook and Twitter watching Lifetime movies, ALONE. Not sure why you are alone? Well maybe because you have not properly evaluated your pussy. I'm not talking about the GYN when I mention pussy evaluations by the way. A pussy evaluation rates the worth of your box. Not sure what this evaluation entails? No worries I got you.

What are you looking for? You pussy needs a thesis.  If you are into hood dudes then you shouldn't be rocking natural hair in the library.  You better be in the club with a head full of Virgin Indian weave and some Red Bottoms.  If you want a more straight arrow type of dude get a slutty tight yet sophisticated dress and hit up an afterwork. Hopefully you get the picture when I say your pussy purpose. "I sold ice in the winter, I sold fire in hell", but if you don't present that pussy right then the shit won't sell.  No I am not a rapper but ladies you must realize that presentation is key once you know what you are after.

Skill Set
Men are simple ladies! If you possess a few key qualities, you can keep a man around. Most important trait is loyalty. You need to stand behind your man no matter his lifestyle or hustle. Next you need to follow the saying "Belly full, dick drained".  I know too many ladies 25 and up who can't even boil hot dogs.  I'm no sexist saying dinner should be ready when he gets home from work and you don't need to be a Rachael Ray in the kitchen.  My great-grandma told me "practice makes perfect" though, so grab a simple recipe off Food Network throw on his favorite thong or boy shorts and surprise him one evening.  You know what’s for dessert on this menu right? Start those kegel exercises and check out the next evaluation point.

XXX Skill Set
It's crazy how a lot of females swear they have good pussy. But if every woman is walking around with good pussy like they claim then I wouldn't see the sea of lonely, bitter statues, tweets and RT's on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram about Valentines Day. Ladies you are unpaid porn stars.  All that shit your man views on Pornhub, Spankwire etc. you must and SHOULD be able to do.  You get a pass if he is on some weird R. Kelly shit though. Your pussy has the power to keep him out the club on Friday nights and put him to sleep sucking on his thumb.  If you have never done neither of these things its obvious why you will only be getting generic Happy Valentine's Day texts from your girlfriends.  Maybe your pussy is not as good as you thought.

The pussy fax is a record that will follow you just like your credit score.  Technology has made it easier for men to backtrack where that pussy went and where it's possibly going.  Plenty of chicks have tried to swindle the system by changing their Internet handles and/or creating new pages but the Internet backlog is impeccable.  If you know your pussy fax is tainted, best thing to do is change your surroundings (city of residence, friends) because you will keep attracting the same type of dudes and achieve the same results.

Does it make sense to offer your heart to someone when your shit isn't even straight?  Men and women have a tendency to do that because we are in love with being love. No judging at all, I have Drake “Hate Sleeping Alone” on repeat nights when all I have is a bottle of lotion and my Xbox controller.  Nobody is perfect, I actually learned more about myself in relationships compared to times I’ve been single.  If you have been looking for something serious but see yourself “just dating" different people for an extended period of time then you need to change your situation.  Having a degree, nice job or even a fancy car is cool but those should be sub-qualities, which keep men attracted to you.  I would rather be on the bus with a female who could whip up some curry goat for me compared to a lady who can drive me to Crown Fried. Don’t let Valentine’s Day get you down because you are alone.  When you find your king he won’t need Valentine’s Day to express his love for you or to do special things.  It’s ok you are alone, reflect on self; evaluate that pussy because the majority of dudes you are going to encounter will not be on Kanye’s level.  You need to reupholster that pussy yourself.

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