Monday, April 16, 2012

Doing 55mph In The 25 mph Zone

So you met someone new about a week or two ago.  Everything is going real sweet, text conversations during the day and phone/Facetime/Skype conversations at night. He/She is really cool and you finally find some free time to hang out since initially meeting or being introduced. Date is going great and the intake of spirits has you feeling lusty.  Somehow you end up back at his/her place and your hands begin to explore each other.  The hard breathing and the strategically placed gentle kisses make it hard for you to resist.  So you have sex; great sex. So now you are both lying there, after round two or three, trying to avoid the wet spot and for some reason an awkward silence sweeps the room and she feels like this is a good time to hold a serious conversation. Actually let me not come off as a chauvinist pig because the ladies expose tender dudes all the time.  So either the male or female uses pillow talk time to ask one of two things, "Where is this going?" or "Do you think we might have moved too fast?" What is the sense of doing 25 mph when you are in the 55 mph zone?

We all know about the unwritten book on sex and relationships, which stereotypes men to be judgmental, horny creatures looking to dog women. On the opposite side ladies are classy, defensive and passive when it comes to sex. This “guide” tells us relationships can only prosper by taking time before doing the no pants dance but does this “guide” tell us when it is the right time?

I'll wait...

 Exactly there is no right answer when it comes to the proper time to drop the draws.  You are an adult, which requires you to make decisions. In case you didn't know I would like to inform you that you will also make mistakes. So you shouldn't be in bed killing the mood after sleeping together. Fuck it, #YOLO nigga!  You may have been in 55mph situation, dropped the draws and now sad because you are now alone. Do not curse that person because you had two to three weeks of bliss and now they put you on the back burner. It was a learning lesson, dwelling on it won’t change the outcome. For ladies it is a bit more sensitive because "some" of you monitor your body count like your cycle so adding to it is a big deal in your book.  As long as you carry yourself like a lad and dont have 55mph relationships on a continuous basis body count will not effect your interactions with men.

Communication is key in any type of relationship but there are certain topics that are pointless to touch upon. If you ask someone you recently met their intentions they will tell you exactly what you want to hear. Ladies if you feel the need to ask a man, "Oh so you just want to fuck," the answer is always yes but he will never say that. Will you feel like a lady if he told you the truth? I highly doubt it. Throwing labels out when you first meet a man sets off an alarm in his head. Boyfriend? Looking to settle down, marriage, kids? “Ah shit another one of these,” in his head. We know most ladies prefer commitment and longevity but you should not remind him while the relationship is fresh. Clearly men do believe in commitment and we all hopefully, have peers who are happily married. But unless a man has reached that level of maturity and realizes the value of union he will not give his all to you. So learn to keep some things to yourself or you will keep scaring off potential mates.

You have to be able to assess situations especially ones that are moving fast.  If you get a gut feeling when your current situation isn't going to prosper, walk away. Doing 55mph does not mean you won’t but don't start out that fast then expect to slow down the pace just because sex is involved. Isn’t sex just one part of a relationship? It is not healthy when sex outweighs the many aspects of a relationship. No one likes sudden change, so how do you think a man will react when you try to take sex out of the equation? You expect him to continue wining and dining without wet, warm, vigorous sex anymore? What is his motivation? No, men are not only dating you to fondle your private parts but how do you think he’ll feel after denying him your goods he worked so hard for? Going 55mph is ok, as long as you are getting to know each other, both parties are consistent and it does not only revolve around the sex. Relationships work best when you let them flow, don't try to tweak situations to your liking, it won’t work unless you are both on the same page.

1 comment:

  1. So when excatly is the right time to pop the "Question". What if he just likes your company and doesn't want to commit but expect all the goods that comes with a commitment? Now a days relationships are so hard to get into, hearing the word commitment pushes people away. What is for a woman to do wait and see just go with the flow and hope wish for the best?? I think NOT!!! I think having your options open just like you men do out there is the best way to go for us females. Not to say to just do sleep around but to just be open and not focus on one man, until you know for sure he is here to stay. The 55mph in the 25mph zone is ridiculous pointless and couldn't agree with you more :)....